It’s OK not to be OK right now — in fact, it’s normal!

There is something called Toxic Positivity, who knew? I certainly did not but it makes so much sense! Dr. Long defines toxic positivity as the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience. “The pressure to appear ‘OK’ invalidates the range of emotions we all experience,” says Carolyn Karoll, a psychotherapist in Baltimore, Maryland. “It can give the impression that you are defective when you feel distress, which can be internalized in a core belief that you are inadequate or weak.”

So how do you deal with Toxic Positivity?

1. Avoid ignoring or stuffing your emotions Acknowledge how you feel, and feel all your emotions, good or bad. Sit with them. Avoiding how you feel will only prolong the discomfort.

2. Listen and validate how others feel — even when it’s different than how you feel Everyone’s entitled to their own feelings. Don’t shame another person for their emotions. It’s really important to acknowledge that others may not cope with things the same way you do.

3. Remember, it’s OK not to be OK “If you’re overwhelmed and exhausted, give yourself permission to rest or do something imperfectly, free of guilt,” Long says.

4. Remember that feelings aren’t mutually exclusive “Healthy positivity acknowledges authentic emotions,” Long says. “It rejects the either/or mindset and holds that two opposing concepts can be true simultaneously. “In other words, you can be sad about losing your job during the pandemic and be hopeful about finding a new job in the future.

5. Be realistic If you want to feel productive, start with small, actionable steps.“Doing things to make you feel better that are extensions of your existing behavioral repertoire requires less cognitive effort and protects the person from setting, and ultimately not meeting, unrealistic expectations,” Zuckerman says.

6. Recognize toxic positivity messages Usually, these messages are overly simple: “Positive vibes only,” “Choose happiness,” etc. Remember, what makes positivity toxic is that it dismisses other genuine emotions, Long explains: “If the message is that positivity is the only or best way to go, that’s problematic.” You don’t have to engage with toxic positivity. See the chart below by Dr. Long that shows a better way of encouraging and supporting someone’s outlook or perception.

Toxic Positivity	Non-Toxic Acceptance & Validation
‘Don’t think about it, stay positive!”	“Describe what you’re feeling, I’m listening”
“Don’t worry, be happy!”	“I see that you’re really stressed, anything I can do?”
“Failure is not an option.”	“Failure is part of growth and success.”
“Positive vibes only!”	“I’m here for you through both good and bad.”
“If I can do it, so can you!”	“Everyone’s story, abilities, limitations are different, and that’s okay.”
“Delete negativity.”	“Suffering is part of life, and you are not alone”
“Look for the silver lining.”	“I’m here for you.”
“Everything happens for a reason”	“Sometimes we can draw the short straw in life. How can I support you during this hard time?”
“It could be worse.”	“That stinks! I am sorry you’re going through this!”

7. It’s OK to be wary of social media “People put their best-filtered foot forward on social media,” Zuckerman explains. “Rarely do people post their faults, flaws, or highlight their poor decision making. As a result, social media gives off the impression that everyone is handling hard times ‘better than you,’ [and] this fosters a sense of loneliness, shame, and embarrassment.” In particular, she adds, watch out for social media influencers, because many promote toxic positivity by only posting their best looks, workouts, and what appears to be perfect lives.

Click either article Healthline and The Psychology Group to read in their entirety.