Reconnecting with our kids

Even though we are spending so much time together in the same space, many of us have had our roles change in ways that have added stress to our relationships with our kids. I encourage you to spend some time re-kindling or strengthening these relationships through purposeful time together and silliness and play.

Ideas to stay connected to your kiddo:

• Let your child pick out a couple of new board games and have a game night.
• Ride bikes together. (And if you’re not chicken, try to skateboard.)
• Try doing an art project or craft together.
• Make dinner together.
•  Have a good old fashion pillow fight! https://theparentcue.org/staying-connected-to-your-kids/

Funny questions to ask your kids to get them talking like:

• If you could be invisible for one day only, what would you do?
• Would you rather be as small as an ant or as tall as a giant? 
• If you could visit one planet in the universe, which one would it be?
• Do unicorns fart rainbows? https://momlovesbest.com/questions-for-kids

Benefits of Pretend Play

When children pretend, they use imagination and emotion. Pretend play is linked to skills in creativity, emotional control and awareness, and even academic achievement.

Tips to Bond with Your Child through Play

Because kids are naturally drawn to play, it can be a great tool for parents to connect with our kids and to help them develop new skills. Here are some ways for creating a great bonding and growing experience with your child:

• Be intentional about setting aside time to play together, one-on-one. Plan for about 20 minutes if you can, with minimal distractions.
• Choose toys that allow for good pretend play. 
• If you and your child need help getting started, you can use a story stem like: “A story about a boy who lives in a castle.”
• If you remember nothing else, FOLLOW YOUR CHILD’S LEAD. They are the experts, after all. As a rule of thumb, try not to say anything that changes the course of the story or adds a plot point. 

• Praise, praise, praise! Kids absolutely soak up every bit of praise they receive. Find as many moments as possible to tell your child what great ideas they have and how funny and creative they are. “That was cool how you used ___ to be something else.”
• Avoid asking lots of questions. Questions can show you are engaged, but they can also shut down natural creativity. We also tend to shift into teaching mode as parents (e.g., “What sound does a tiger make?” or, “What color is this?”), which is much less fun than what our kids have in mind for playtime.

Ideas for fun and safe things to do with kids like apple picking, drive-in movie options and hiking

https://www.charlotteparent.com/things-to-do/ and

https://www.charlotteparent.com/labor-day-weekend-events-in-charlotte-2020/

Interactive ‘How To’ videos like drawing different animals  https://bit.ly/34UUCqT

Virtual fishing tournament https://bit.ly/3hOzR47

Disc Golf https://www.dgcoursereview.com/course.php?id=9005&mode=ci

Stallings kits for kids -  https://bit.ly/3jwzpI7

And a very cool ‘I.T. Adventures in a Box’  https://bit.ly/3lByckt

Learned Helplessness, What's THAT?

 

The need for virtual learning is a necessity of life, as we know it right now. The times you used to drop off your child to

practice being a UA student away from home is now not the norm. It is so difficult to watch your kiddo on a ZOOM call make a mistake you knew s/he could answer correctly without “helping” them. I want to introduce (or refresh for you) a concept called learned helplessness. I wish I had known this years ago when my three children were little.

 

  “Every single time you pick up a dirty sock, a used tissue, a crusty cereal bowl or a misplaced toy-every time you do this- you teach your child to believe in the “cleanup fairy.”

 

There is a story about a boy and ground beef that helps explain why NOT picking up that sock, used tissue or crusty cereal bowl is SO IMPORTANT. The story is an excerpt called ‘Hamburger, The importance of teaching our children to do for themselves. Hint: does your child know what hamburger is or how to find it in a store?

 Here is an article about What Learned Helplessness Looks Like in Children and another about why it happens. These may help you identify habits that need to be changed. So, you ask, what about that fine balance of encouraging freedom and giving too much freedom? That is exactly what this article will talk about, finding the best balance between the two.  

Is My Child OK, Or Does My Child Need Professional Help?

All kids have emotional ups and downs and we have heard over and over again that it is normal for your child to feel stress, worry, anxiety, and frustration during this pandemic.  At some point most everyone has cried, screamed, or lost their cool since the coronavirus halted our lives back in March.  So the questions arises- at what point are these emotions and behaviors more than "normal"? When should you seek professional help?

When To Seek Help

According to the National Association of School Psychologists, parents and caregivers should contact a professional if children exhibit significant changes in behavior or any of the following symptoms for more than 2 weeks.

Preschoolers—thumb sucking, bedwetting, clinging to parents, sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, fear of the dark, regression in behavior, and withdrawal.

Elementary school children—irritability, aggressiveness, clinginess, nightmares, school avoidance, poor concentration, and withdrawal from activities and friends.

Adolescents—sleeping and eating disturbances, agitation, increase in conflicts, physical complaints, delinquent behavior, and poor concentration

This Pediatric Symptom Checklist created by Massachusetts General Hospital is a quick 17 question screener that is helpful in determining if your child's behaviors are in the normal range.  Click here for the English version or here for the Spanish version. When you are finished, calculate the total score by adding the 17 individual scores (0 for never,1 point for sometimes, and 2 points for often). The total score will be between 0 to 34.  If the score is 15 or higher your child's difficulties are considered higher than normal and help may be needed. Please note that this tool does NOT diagnose any specific condition. PSC scores simply show how many problems are reported and whether those scores are high compared to other children. A higher PSC score often suggests a problem that can be helped, though it does not necessarily mean that your child has a disorder.

 Where To Get Help

There are many resources to help you and your child when emotional difficulties rise.  Your child's family doctor or pediatrician is a good first stop. They are experts at differentiating between normal and abnormal levels of emotional distress.  They can also assist with referring to a counselor. You can also call The National Mental Health Information Center at 1-800-789-2647 to ask questions and receive information and brochures and therapist referrals.

In a crisis- try any of these helplines:

• Call 911
• Disaster Distress Helpline: 1-800-985-5990 (press 2 for Spanish), or text TalkWithUs for English or Hablanos for Spanish to 66746. Spanish speakers from Puerto Rico can text Hablanos to 1-787-339-2663.
• National Suicide Prevention Lifelineexternal icon: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for English, 1-888-628-9454 for Spanish, or Lifeline Crisis Chatexternal icon

Finally, Remember: Some Struggles Are Normal

“Some moodiness, anxiety, and social and school difficulties are expected as kids grow up,” says psychologist Kristen Eastman, PsyD. “I call them bumps in the road.”  These normal developmental challenges may require your child to change perspectives or learn new skills. They can be viewed as opportunities for growth. In most cases, if you offer support, your child can figure it out. Validate your child's feelings and help them problem solve.  Sometimes, all the kid wants is to fee heard and understood.  In the event that normal difficulties turn into something more serious, trust your gut.  Don't be afraid to simply ask your child, "Does this feel like something we need to get help with?"  You may be surprised to hear them say yes.

As always, feel free to reach out to your child's School Counselor if you ever have a question or concern.

Article resources:

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/11-signs-your-child-may-need-a-therapist/

https://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-publications/resources-and-podcasts/school-climate-safety-and-crisis/health-crisis-resources/helping-children-cope-with-changes-resulting-from-covid-19

https://www.massgeneral.org/psychiatry/treatments-and-services/pediatric-symptom-checklist/