Monday, April 27, 2020

Parenting with Love and Logic- FREE Parenting Course if you register by April 30


Love and LogicAre you struggling as a parent? Feel like you are spending a lot of time time arguing, yelling, or fighting with your kids to just "do what they are told"?  You are not alone.  The stress of the Coronavirus and having to Shelter-At-Home has everyone, parents and kids, on edge. As I was personally searching for the best way to deal with my teenage son's 'back talk', I realized that Parenting with Love and Logic is a resource from which many of you may also benefit. I also discovered that they are offering the
for FREE through the month of April!  Yes, I realize that I have stumbled upon this resource on April 27th, only a few days before the offer ends. However, once you register for the course, it is available for 3 months.  Even if you only watch one module of this course, I promise that you will walk away with at least one new idea on how to be better parent. The course consists of 6 video modules that each last 30-45 minutes:
Module 1: Putting an End to Arguing, Back Talk and Begging
Module 2 Teaching Responsibility Without Losing Their Love
Module 3: Setting Limits Without Waging War
Module 4: Avoiding Power-Struggles
Module 5: Guiding Kids to Own and Solve Their Problems
Module 6: Teaching Kids to Complete Chores…Without Reminders and Without Pay

As a mom and school counselor, I will tell you that if I had to pick a favorite parenting method, this would be it:  Parenting with Love and Logic.  I've read the series multiple times and I return to it again and again when I feel that I am losing control as a mom. (And to be honest, these early teenage years bait me into arguing a lot more than I want.) The parenting philosophy is based upon a belief that if we set and enforce limits using compassion and empathy, and if we allow our children to feel the consequences (good or bad) of their choices, we will teach them appropriate behavior while developing a healthy, loving, and respectful relationship.  I especially love this parenting style because it is simple to learn and they have come up with suggestions on how to deal with most every parenting situation from toddlers to teens.  When I feel "stuck", I often go to their website or open one of their books and look up their suggested response.  It is the closest thing you will find to a Parenting Guide. Trust me. 

So if you are looking for a few new ideas on how to be a better parent, register for the course, but do it by Thursday, April 30th if you want it for free. (On May 1st it returns to regular price- $99.) For those who are interested, I am planning to host a parenting discussion after each module.  This will be a Zoom meeting where we can discuss the topics covered in the module and share with each other our experiences.  If you are interested, please let me know by completing this quick form: https://forms.gle/jyAUnN6PGeoEjaaFA.  I hope to schedule our first discussion by the end of next week.




Tuesday, April 21, 2020

A Message for Teens During Covid-19

Mrs. Mitchell shared with the counseling department this video from Noah Couser.  It is his message to adolescents about considering how they may spend their time during this time of quarantine. "How can students make the most of this COVID-19 Quarantine time? Here is some solid advice on how to battle the anxiety, develop character, strengthen relationships, and work toward a better future through intentional living.  Whether you are a middle school or high school, or college student or not a student at all, we all can do our best to make the most of this time of social distance and isolation to try to become our best self."  In the video, he asks the questions: How do you want to be different when this is over? Who can you help? His message is important, so be sure to share it! 

Monday, April 20, 2020

4 Things to Bring Your Family Together While Stuck At Home

http://clipart-library.com
Thomas Likona, author of Raising Kind Kids, recently wrote an article for Psychology Today on 13 Things to Do With Your Family During the Coronavirus. While all of his ideas were great (and I encourage you to read the entire article) here are the few that really hit home for me:

1.  Count Your Blessings:  Do this with a kid, spouse, or any other adult. Take turns saying anything positive from the day that you’re grateful for. "It can be something you got done, a way you helped someone, a kind thing someone did for you…maybe just a blue sky and sunshine."

2. Meal Time Conversations: Likona suggested conversation starters from Harvard’s The Family Dinner Project, CHAT PACK (from TheQuestionGuys.com), and How to Raise Kind Kids, and he even gave a few to get you started:

  • “What are two things you like about being a member of our family?”
  • “What are two things other people can do to make you happy?”
  • “What are two things you can do to make other people happy?”
  • “What is something you wish we did more often as a family?”
  • “What was one of the best things about today and one of the hardest things?”
  • "What’s something that happened today that you didn’t expect?”
  • “What helps you make a decision when you aren’t sure what to do?”
  • “Why do some kids do drugs?”
  • “What is something you wish everybody knew?”
  • “What is an experience you’ve never told the family about?”
  • “If there’s one thing you would have done differently in your life if you could, what would it be?”
  • “If you wrote a letter to the President or someone else about one thing we could do to make our country better, what would you say?”
3. Watch a family movie and discuss it: "Good movies, like good books, are better when you talk about them." Watch the movie together and bring it up in discussion the next day.  I personally like to use Common Sense Media to help select movies and they almost always give you conversation starters or topics for after the movie.  I recently discovered that they have created lists of movies based upon character traits.  Check the lists out and set up a movie date with your family: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/best-for-character-development-lists

4. Help those in need. The poor have been hit hardest by the pandemic and will suffer the most going forward. Here are a few non-profits in our area who are in desperate need of donations:
  • HOPE Union County sent out a request last week for diapers (Newborn, 1,2,3,) baby wipes, formula (Similac powder, but we will use what is given), baby cereal, and  baby bottles.   If you can help, drop off at the 601 side (far left end) of the Union County Human Services location at 2330 Concord Avenue.  Ring the bell at the top of the steps when you arrive and someone will come to the dock door to get the items from you. The hours/days for drop offs are Monday through Friday, 8 am until 5 pm. Contact Gloria Haney for more information- T: 704-296-4312 C: 704-622-6750
  • Donate to Food Pantries.  Listed below are food banks in our area that according to their websites are in desperate need of nonperishable foods such as canned veggies, soups, fruits, meats, dry goods such as cereal, grits, oatmeal, spaghetti & sauce, macaroni  & cheese or any pasta, dry beans , peanut butter and jelly.  You can also donate to any of the food banks listed here.
    • Operation Reach Out- 1308 Miller Street, Monroe 704-289-4237
    • Common Heart- 116 Business Park Dr, Indian Trail, NC 28079 from 10-3 PM (M-F). For larger donations or perishable items, contact CommonHeart@CommonHeart.org to arrange a time to drop off your donations at our main pantry.
If you liked these suggestions, I highly recommend reading Likona's full article listed above.  Keep safe and try to find the silver lining in this pandemic cloud by bringing your family together!

Monday, April 13, 2020

Mrs. Beare is Practicing Zen Zoo Mindfulness by Counselor Keri

Benefits of Mindfulness for Kids: Why Kids Should Practice ...
https://bit.ly/byCounselorKeri
It seems somewhat of a paradox to think that with all of this alone time we need to take a minute to 'be alone' but alone without purpose can be overwhelming and the quiet can be deafening. Using mindfulness has been scientifically shown to provide several positive benefits to our physical and emotional well being.

I would like to share some Mindfulness exercises by Counselor Keri I have posted on my YouTube Channel (the videos are unlisted so please click the link below to view them). Counselor Keri has a lot of amazing resources that I have used in small groups and classroom lessons. You can find her here to see what she has to offer!

You can find videos of me doing Zen Zoo Mindfulness activities here:


P.S. I would love to see pictures of the kiddos doing some of these activities! I certainly miss seeing their smiling faces!

Friday, April 10, 2020

Caronavirus Spring Break Ideas

Most of us will continue to be at home over Spring Break.  For me, I appreciate the assignments teachers send out- as it helps to fill the day for my boys.   But with no school work to fill a portion of each day next week, I am left to figure out how to keep my kids busy, creative, and productive (and from annoying each other).  I will still keep a schedule/To Do list in place, but will need to fill the time that was set aside for school work. Here are some ideas for next week:

Greenway Fun: There are 52 miles of greenways in Mecklenburg County and a few paths scattered around Union County too (Twelve Mile Creek, and Mineral Springs).  If the weather holds up, we will load up our bikes and hit the trails. If you don't want the hassle of bikes, the greenways are great for walking and some are even paved and good for skates. My family's personal favorites are Four-Mile Creek, McAlpine, and Toby Creek. Try to stay as local as possible, keep your social distance, and enjoy the fresh air!

Treasure Hunt:  We have often participated in Geocaching, so my plan is to do something similar: plant clues at GPS coordinates around my neighborhood and send the boys on their way. This will definitely take some planning on my part, so if it seems like too much- these clues for a hunt inside or outside of your house may be just the thing you are looking for: https://kidactivities.net/40-scavenger-hunt-riddles-for-kids/

Home Field Day: There are many options for putting together a family field day: sack races, a water balloon toss, obstacle course, balloon tennis, water relays, etc.  Maybe let each member of the family choose and create an activity or two?

So what are your plans for Spring Break at Home?  Feel free to share your ideas in the comments below.  You can also check out these websites that Mrs. Mitchell shared that have a list of stay-at-home activities:

Thursday, April 9, 2020

Additional County Resources

     On March 20th we posted resources for food help during the COVID-19 crisis. If you would like to see that list again click here. If your family needs help during the COVID-19 state of emergency, please let us know by using this form.  The Union Academy Foundation has stepped up to help out our Cardinal families in need. If you wish to assist the foundation with this endeavor, please make a donation by clicking here or contact Jenna Westbrook at jenna.westbrook@weareua.org.
     Many people are finding themselves in uncharted territory as they have always been able to work and sustain themselves. The current climate is changing this stability for some and I want to assure you that you are not alone. The resources the county has in place, have been designed to provide temporary support in situations just as what we are experiencing now.
If you find yourself in need, please reach out for assistance. 
  • There is a comprehensive list of resources that includes clothing help, financial and food assistance, legal aid, medical and mental health care, housing help, power assistance and more. 
  • CharMeck311 is another resource many people are not aware of. If you live in Mecklenburg county this is a great way to safely get answers to many questions including directory assistance to City and County offices and information about various City and County services. (Mecklenburg is the only county currently offering a 311 service).
     Your school counselor is here to help as well. We may not have the answer, but we will do our best to help you find it. Our contact information is to the right of this blog.

Wednesday, April 8, 2020

I Can/Cannot Control Poster

As we care for others amidst COVID-19, let's be sure to first care for ourselves. Simple, but wonderful tips.



Source: NCDPI School Counseling Newsletter, April 2020

Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Managing Screen Time During the Pandemic

netclipart.com
I'll admit it.  I've slipped and with all the time now spent at home, I have let my boys play video games and watch TV more than normal.  That is until Friday when I received an email from Melanie Hempe and Screen Strong.  Remember her?  Union Academy invited her at the beginning of the school year to speak about the danger of video games and technology on the developing child and teenage brain. She shared with us the science of brain development:
As your child's brain develops into an adult brain, unused connections (or neuropathways) are pruned away and frequently used connections are strengthened. Therefore how your child uses his or her brain is crucial during this time of development.  The activities your child participates in (music, sports, reading, technology, languages) will shape the brain they take into adult hood. 

Mrs. Hempe also shared with us the danger of technology on brain development:
Video games and social media platforms are specifically designed to be addictive  and to keep the user watching/playing. By spending hours on technology, our kids are being robbed of time for building the neuro-pathways needed for in-person social skills, physical development, and creativity.

So, this past week, when I received her email, I was reminded of my responsibility to keep my kids safe and to create the best environment for developing a healthy and productive adult brain.  Mrs. Hempe shared on her website tips for avoiding a "screen crisis" during the coronavirus.  Here are a few ideas that really hit home for me, but check out her full article for more:

  • Choose educational TV shows over interactive games and social media. All screens are not created equal.  Remember that social media and video games are designed to be addictive and make you want to keep watching/playing.  They are scientifically designed to grab and hold attention.  Also be careful with Youtube, as there are no set start and stop to the videos which can keep kids watching for hours.
  • Schedule Purposeful Activities. Kids turn to games, social media, or TV when they are bored. As the parent, it is up to you to fill the time with activities that prevent boredom.  Reading, exercise, games, cooking, and crafts are easy activities that can help remedy boredom and also strengthen brain connections that lead to overall better mental health. This is a great time to teach life skills (laundry, yard work) and new hobbies (music, chess, art, sports).
  •  Check your parental controls. Every device is different (TVs, phones, tablets) and usually larger screens (TVs) are safer than smaller devices. Only allow use of technology in "public" places in your home- not in bedrooms or places with closed doors.
So this week, I've cut back on my boys's video game and youtube time.  We've played Crazy 8s, Left-Right-Center, Skip-Bo, and soccer.  We've continued cooking lessons and have started baking for neighbors.  We've laughed and "played" together more in the past five days than since school was called off back in March. Maybe this article and the one from Mrs. Hempe will encourage you to do the same. When our kids look back at this time in their lives, hopefully they will remember time spent together and it won't be a blur of scrolling social media or the fog of gaming.

Thursday, April 2, 2020

How Parents Can Instill a Growth Mindset at Home

Research shows that parents can have a powerful impact on their children's mindsets. The language you use and the actions you take show your children about what you expect. Giving process praise, talking about the brain, accepting mistakes as learning opportunities, and understanding the role of emotions in learning are all practices you can begin today.

Say This, Not That
The way we praise our children can have a profound impact on their mindset. Research on praise and mindsets shows that when we praise children for being smart, it promotes a fixed mindset. It sends a message that their accomplishments are trait-based, and tied to something innate. In contrast, praising kids for working hard promotes a growth mindset. It sends a message that the child’s effort is what led them to success. Want more tips on what to say, and what not to say, when praising your kids? Say This, Not That!
Please click on the article below for sample dialogue.

Talk About the Brain

The brain is far more malleable than we once thought. Teaching our kids that they actually have control over growing their brains through the actions they take is empowering! Tell your children that when they work hard, that’s the feeling of their neurons connecting. The dendrites are reaching out to other dendrites, trying to connect to make a stronger brain. What strengthens those connections is practice, asking questions, and actively participating in learning. When children learn that their brains physically change with effort, it leads to increased motivation and achievement. Show your kids this Brain Animation video to explain! 

Accept Mistakes as Learning Opportunities

One of the best ways you can model a growth mindset is to speak candidly about the mistakes you’ve made, and what you’ve learned from them. Speak positively about your mistakes and struggles, and this will show your children that taking risks and making mistakes are a natural part of the learning process. Explain to your children that trying hard things is what helps us grow, and you can’t be perfect when you try something hard!

Understand the Role of Emotions in Learning

When we get angry, scared, or feel threatened, our fight or flight response is activated. This can happen anytime, whether we’re scared of a spider or scared of math! Our brains are wired to protect us when we feel threatened, and stress symptoms such as sweating, stomach cramps, and your mind going blank are completely normal. There are strategies we can use when the fight or flight response tries to take over, to help us learn. One of those strategies is called Square Breathing and it helps to break down the adrenaline that is flooding the bloodstream and preventing learning from occurring.

Please click here to read the complete article.

7 Things You Can Try to Build Emotional Resilience


Students,

We miss you! Our thoughts are with you!

Emotional resilience is not only important during this time, but it's an important life skill.

7 Things You Can Try to Build Emotional Resilience

Research has shown that people with 3 times more positive emotions than negative ones are more resilient and have a relatively higher rate of successful reintegration. Emotional resilience equips people with the much-needed psychological strength to cope with stress and hardships, preventing them from falling apart or getting overwhelmed.
1.     Practice mindful meditation on a regular basis
2.     Be ready to confront the truth fearlessly
3.     Self-care is indispensable
4.     Avoid negative thoughts, people, or emotions

5.     Exercise
6.     Learn as you live
7.     Have a purpose in life
Please click here to read the full article.

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Reading with Mrs. Beare

     I read a book called The Invisible String by Patrice Karst with kids who are struggling with being separated from a parent, friend, loved one or a pet. When I went to campus this week I saw it on my shelf and decided I needed to read it myself as much as I wanted to share it with you.
     I have created a Private YouTube channel (MrsBeare) and have posted an unlisted read-aloud of the book there. Click Reading with Mrs. Beare to see it.

     I want my kiddos to know that I think of them often and pull that heartstring right back when I feel it being pulled~

Mrs. Beare